found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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