FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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