Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Yo dont text me then not text me
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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