Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
