Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
try to milk me bitch
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
