i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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