If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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