I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
