I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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