my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
