Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
not ubering you a puppy
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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