the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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