This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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