Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
