big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
