I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
