what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The feeling are messing with the penis
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
