I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
