i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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