The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
