Christians are straight up FREAKS
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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