We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
