Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
