she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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