College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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