I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
