imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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