On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
