why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
