He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
