So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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