take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
