you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
