Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
