I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
