Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
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i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
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I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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