I think im going to throw up on grandma
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize