Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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