I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
