well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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