Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
