too bad you live with your parents still
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
