dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
