i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
