I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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