Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Randomize
