you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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