Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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