On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
