i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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