i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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