So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
