Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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