At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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