just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I intend to get homeless drunk
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There r osticjed everywhere
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
