You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
