How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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