It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
