when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
