White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
