My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
