So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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