she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Dick very happy bro
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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