how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
