We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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