Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
