Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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