So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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